Bye Boomer”: What to Do When You’re Treated Unfairly by Younger Gay Men in Public

Last Sunday, a man in his early 60s did what many of us do to lift our spirits—he put on a meaningful outfit, the kind that holds sentimental weight (a sweater gifted by his late best friend), and decided to take himself out to dinner. A simple, self-affirming act. A quiet evening at a café in West Hollywood—a neighborhood known for its LGBTQ+ vibrance and visibility.

But instead of comfort, he was met with cruelty.

After being seated near a group of six young gay men, he greeted them with a friendly “Hello.” What followed was a barrage of mocking remarks, whispered just loudly enough to be heard: jokes about his age, his sweater, his attractiveness, and even his sexuality. When he quietly got up to leave, one of them sent him off with a loud “Bye Boomer,” prompting laughter from the table.

He hadn’t said or done anything wrong. He was simply older—and alone.

This moment, unfortunately, isn’t as isolated as we’d like to think. Many older LGBTQ+ individuals have experienced ageism within the very community we helped build. So what can you do when something like this happens? How do you handle the pain, the humiliation, and the loneliness it can trigger?

1. Know This: It’s Not About You. It’s About Them.

2. Choose Dignity Over Drama

You chose not to create a scene. That was strength, not weakness. In a time where outrage often meets outrage, your silent exit was an act of quiet resistance. You did not stoop to their level. You upheld your integrity. That matters more than their laughter.

3. Speak Out—Even After the Fact

Whether it’s writing about your experience (like you courageously did), talking to a friend, or sharing it in a support group or blog, telling your truth is healing. Your voice matters. By speaking up, you’re not only processing your pain—you’re reminding the world that these moments happen, and they hurt.

4. Reconnect with What You Represent

You are part of the generation that made it possible for these young men to laugh openly in public without fear of violence or arrest. You protested. You marched. You survived AIDS, discrimination, and societal rejection. You are a living monument to resilience and love. That sweater? It’s a symbol of memory, friendship, and enduring love. They mocked it because they don’t yet understand the gravity of such things.

5. Find Community with Those Who Do Understand

There are spaces—online and in real life—where intergenerational respect still lives. Whether it’s LGBTQ+ elders groups, chosen family circles, or even blogs like Gay Life After 40, seek out spaces that see you, not just your age.

6. Educate, If You Can—But Don’t Feel Obligated

Sometimes a gentle word, if safe to offer, can disrupt cruelty. Other times, silence is self-preservation. You’re not responsible for raising them—but if you ever do feel called to share wisdom, do so knowing you’re passing on something valuable that the world desperately needs: empathy.

7. Remember the Power of Kindness

You shared a beautiful memory—of inviting an older man to your table years ago, offering warmth and community to someone who had just lost his partner. That’s the spirit we need more of. And it’s a reminder: kindness doesn’t age, and it’s never outdated.

Final Thoughts:

This wasn’t just about rudeness—it was about a moment that revealed the divide between generations within our LGBTQ+ family. And families, at their best, learn from each other.

To the younger ones reading this: May you never forget the people who paved the road beneath your feet. And to the older ones: Don’t let the ignorance of a few dim the light of your history, your dignity, or your presence.

We are all standing on the shoulders of those who came before us. Let’s never stop reminding each other of that truth.