Do You Have Children?

A Gay Life After 40 Reflection

By Max Roberts

It’s a question I’ve been asked more times than I can count, often out of genuine curiosity, sometimes with unspoken assumptions: “Do you have children?”

“Not having children doesn’t mean my life is empty—it just means it’s full in a different way.”

At first, I tend to laugh it off—me, with kids? I can barely keep my plants alive. But beneath the casual answer, there’s a deeper story.

When I was younger, children weren’t part of my picture. Coming out, exploring my identity, building my career—those took up all the space. Over time, I watched friends become parents, creating families that looked so different from mine. Sometimes I wondered if that life was missing from mine.

Now, in my forties, I recognize that my life is rich and meaningful in its own way. My chosen family—close friends, nieces, nephews, and community—fills the spaces where traditional family might be. I share love, guidance, and care, just on different terms.

Sometimes, yes, there’s a quiet curiosity about what might have been. But there’s also peace and pride in the life I’ve built—the freedom, the friendships, the unexpected joys.

Having children isn’t the only way to create a legacy. What matters most is the love we give, the connections we nurture, and the lives we touch.

So, when someone asks, “Do you have children?” I answer honestly. Sometimes yes, sometimes no—but always with a full heart.

What about you?
Have you faced this question? How do you feel about the idea of having children—whether you do, don’t, or did and it didn’t work out? I’d love to hear your stories, reflections, or simply how you navigate this part of life. Share in the comments or reach out—because no matter our paths, we’re in this together.