Whatever Happened to Kindness?
Remembering the Simple Words That Matter Most
By William Smith
As we move through life, we learn many things. We learn about love, disappointment, friendship, loss, and the importance of accepting ourselves. We discover that life doesn’t always turn out the way we imagined, and that every person we meet is carrying a story we may never fully understand.
Yet one thing seems to remain a challenge, even as we grow older: learning how to treat one another with kindness.
We live in a world where opinions are freely expressed, often without much thought about how they might affect someone else. Social media has made it easy to comment, criticize, and judge. Sometimes we forget that behind every screen is a real human being with feelings, insecurities, hopes, and experiences of their own.
And perhaps we need to remind ourselves of something very simple: Just because we can say something doesn’t mean we should.
A Friend’s Words That Stayed With Me
There is something I remember about a former friend from our Gay Life After 40 Facebook community, Todd Russell, who has since passed away.
Whenever I called him, his voicemail would end with a simple reminder:
“And remember, let’s be kind to each other.”
Those words have stayed with me.
Think about that for a moment. In a world that can sometimes feel judgmental, competitive, and unkind, here was a man who chose to leave people with a message about kindness. It wasn’t complicated. It wasn’t a lecture. It was simply a gentle reminder of how we should treat one another.
Although he is no longer with us, those words remain. And perhaps that is one of the most meaningful things a person can leave behind: a reminder that continues to make a difference long after he is gone.
I wonder how often we pause to consider the power of our own words. What do people remember after a conversation with us? Do they remember feeling encouraged, respected, and appreciated? Or do they remember feeling judged or diminished?
We may never know how deeply a small act of kindness affects someone else. But we can be certain that our words and actions leave an impression.
My friend’s voicemail reminds me that kindness doesn’t have to be grand or extraordinary. Sometimes, the simplest messages are the ones we need to hear most.
We Have All Experienced Judgment
For many gay men, the journey toward self-acceptance was not always easy. Some of us grew up in a world where being different meant facing rejection, ridicule, or the pressure to hide parts of ourselves.
We know what it feels like to wonder whether we are accepted. We know how painful it can be when others make assumptions about us based on how we look, how we speak, or how we choose to live.
Those experiences should teach us something.
They should make us more understanding of others, not less. They should remind us that we never truly know what someone has endured or how much courage it may have taken for that person to become comfortable with himself.
It would be a shame to experience judgment in our own lives only to pass that same judgment on to others.
Beyond Appearances
We live in a culture that places considerable value on youth, physical appearance, and the pursuit of an ideal image. In the gay community, those pressures can sometimes feel especially pronounced.
But what happens when we begin to measure people primarily by how they look?
We risk overlooking the qualities that make someone worth knowing: his humor, compassion, intelligence, loyalty, generosity, and capacity to love.
A person’s appearance cannot tell us whether he will be a wonderful friend, a thoughtful neighbor, or someone who will stand beside us when life becomes difficult.
As we grow older, we should understand this even more clearly. Our bodies change. Our faces change. Life leaves its marks on all of us.
There is nothing wrong with taking pride in our appearance or having personal preferences. But there is a difference between what we find attractive and how we choose to treat other people.
Kindness does not require attraction. Respect does not require agreement. And basic human dignity should never depend on how someone looks.
Maturity Should Bring Compassion
Growing older gives us something that youth cannot always provide: perspective.
We have experienced enough of life to understand that circumstances change, that relationships can be complicated, and that the people around us may be fighting battles we know nothing about.
True maturity is not simply about the number of years we have lived. It is also about what those years have taught us.
Have they made us more patient? More considerate? More willing to listen before judging?
Can we disagree without humiliating someone? Can we keep an unkind thought to ourselves? Can we choose compassion when criticism would be easier?
These may seem like small things, but they reveal a great deal about our character.
Perhaps my friend’s reminder is especially meaningful because it asks so little of us. We don’t have to change the world overnight. We can begin with the next person we speak to, the next comment we make, and the next opportunity we have to show consideration.
The Community We Choose to Create
Gay Life After 40 is more than a collection of individuals who happen to share an age range or a common experience. It is an opportunity to build connections, exchange ideas, find friendship, and remind one another that we are not alone.
The kind of community we create depends, in part, on the way we treat each other.
We don’t have to agree on everything. We don’t have to share the same tastes, lifestyles, or opinions. But we can choose to treat one another with courtesy and respect.
Sometimes the most meaningful contribution we can make is not a clever comment or a strong opinion. It is simply making another person feel welcome.
Imagine if we carried my friend’s words with us every day. Before posting a comment, before making a joke at someone else’s expense, or before judging someone we barely know, we paused and asked ourselves:
Am I being kind?
That one question could change the tone of many conversations.
What Will People Remember About Us?
Eventually, the things we once considered so important may matter very little. The clothes we wore, the attention we received, and the way we looked at a particular age will fade into the background.
What may remain is how we made people feel.
Were we encouraging? Were we compassionate? Did we make others feel welcome, or did we make them question their worth?
My former friend’s voice is no longer there to greet callers with that familiar reminder. But his words still offer a lesson worth carrying forward.
Perhaps that is part of what it means to leave a legacy. We may not realize how much a simple phrase, a kind gesture, or a thoughtful conversation will mean to someone years later.
We cannot control every unkind remark in the world. But we can decide what we want to contribute to it.
As we grow older, let us try to become people who leave others feeling a little better, a little more accepted, and a little less alone.
And the next time we find ourselves tempted to criticize, judge, or embarrass another person, perhaps we can hear that gentle reminder in the back of our minds.
“And remember, let’s be kind to each other.”
A simple message from a friend, Todd Russell, who is gone, yet whose words still have something to teach us.
May we honor his memory by putting those words into practice. And may kindness be part of the legacy we leave behind.
