Gay and Over 40: Thanksgiving Then and Now

By Spencer Martin

When you’re gay and over 40, Thanksgiving becomes this funny mix of nostalgia, gratitude, and “Wow, how did I get old enough to care about gravy consistency?” But every year, as the holiday rolls around, I can’t help drifting back to those childhood Thanksgivings—the ones that felt big, magical, and a little chaotic.

Back When Thanksgiving Was Pure Magic (and Pure Carbs)

As a kid, Thanksgiving meant waking up to the smell of turkey roasting at 6 a.m. and wondering why adults seemed so stressed about the timing. Everything looked easy from my kid-sized point of view. My only job was to stay out of the kitchen and not “sample” the pies cooling on the counter—spoiler alert: I failed at that job every year.

Before I even knew I was gay, Thanksgiving was one of the few days when I didn’t feel different. I wasn’t the sensitive kid, or the artistic one, or the one who definitely paid too much attention to the men on the football game. I was just part of the family circus, laughing with cousins, sneaking extra rolls, and trying to avoid being given chores.

Growing Up and Growing Into Myself

Once you hit your 40s, Thanksgiving feels a little different. First of all, suddenly you’re the one responsible for the turkey, which is wild because I still barely trust myself to cook rice correctly. And second, you realize the holiday isn’t about perfection—it’s about who you share it with.

Being gay and over 40 usually means your life doesn’t always look like the one you grew up around, and that’s okay. Some people spend the holiday with partners, some with chosen family, and some with friends who love them exactly as they are. And honestly? Sometimes it’s just you, a rotisserie chicken, and the Macy’s Parade, and that can still be a beautiful day.

Finding Joy in Today’s Thanksgiving

Even with all the changes, something from those childhood Thanksgivings stays with me. The warmth. The comfort. The reminder that we deserve a moment to slow down and savor life—even if the mashed potatoes come from a box this year.

And let’s be real: the best part about being over 40 is that you no longer pretend to like everybody’s cooking. I will politely decline Aunt Linda’s mystery casserole with zero guilt. That is what growth looks like.

Making Your Own Traditions

The sweetest thing about being a gay man in midlife is realizing you get to create the holiday you actually want. Maybe you still cook the dishes from your childhood. Maybe you host a “Friendsgiving” where the wine flows freely and no one asks why you’re still single. Maybe your tradition is simply staying grateful for the people who make you feel loved—your own version of family.

Carrying the Best of the Past Forward

When I look back on those early Thanksgivings, I smile. Not because everything was perfect, but because those moments planted something in me—a sense of warmth I can still tap into today. That same feeling is still available now, even if life looks a little different than childhood me expected.

So, this Thanksgiving, whether you’re with family, friends, your partner, or just yourself and a well-earned nap, know that the magic isn’t gone. It’s just grown up a little—just like you.

Happy Thanksgiving Gay Life After 40 Family!