Who is the Modern Gay Family?

Who IS the Modern Gay Family?

by Kate Medina

Back in the 1950s, Americans cozied up to the television with what was considered the modern everyday family, watching as Ward went to work, June stayed home with her apron on, and the kids did what kids do – went to school and got into trouble.  

Today’s modern family paints a different (and much better, we believe) picture. Parents come from different ethnic and religious backgrounds. Single mothers and fathers are heads of households. And same-sex couples are adopting children, with an astounding jump from 6,477 in 2000 to around 21,740 in 2009.

Not only are our families changing, but we are being represented in the media and on television like never before. It wasn’t that long ago that Ellen created shock waves on television when she admitted she was gay. Today, shows like Modern Family and, most recently, Disney’s Good Luck Charlie, depict modern families in not just one light – ie: Leave it to Beaver-ish – but in a variety of ways, including those led by same-sex couples.

Yet there are still struggles, with some opposition quite vocal about their dislike for the gay community. Not all states have accepted gay marriage as legal, and some groups, like One Million Moms, continue to voice their feelings against gay marriage; their recent harsh words about Disney’s introduction of a gay couple on Good Luck Charlie included accusing Disney of ‘pushing an agenda’, and stating that just because something is legal does not make it ‘morally correct’. http://onemillionmoms.com/issues/disney-channel-features-two-mom-family/

So at the start of 2014, when we are represented on mainstream television and states across the country are beginning to legalize gay marriage, how far have we come? And just who is the modern gay family?

A History of Gay Marriage, in Numbers

It wasn’t that long ago that the marriage of a same sex couple was not even a consideration, even on the U.S. Census count. In fact, it wasn’t until 1990 that the term ‘unmarried partner’ was used on the census as a way to look at the changing American household; but this included those couples who lived together before marriage and not just same-sex couples.  

In 2000, before states could perform same-sex marriages, the Census showed all same-sex couples as unmarried couples, and it wasn’t until 2005 that the American Community Survey (ACS) began looking at yearly estimates of same-sex married couples. https://www.census.gov/hhes/samesex/files/SScplfactsheet_final.pdf .

The most recent data, from the 2011 ACS, reports a total of 605,472 same-sex couple households, with 168,092 identifying themselves as married.

Where Do We Live?

According to the 2010 ACS by the U.S. Census Bureau, states with the highest percentage of same-sex couples include those out west, like California and Oregon; Colorado; Florida; and states in the north east, with the exception of New Hampshire.  These states average 1.76-4.01 percent of same-sex couple homes, while states like Mississippi, Alabama and Louisiana report less than .66%.

Sounds amazing, right? But that number is still less than one percent of all U.S. households. To compare the number of same-sex and opposite sex family households, the total number of husband and wife households is 54,493,232; same-sex couples, 358,390. (You can view more on the census here-https://www.census.gov/prod/cen2010/briefs/c2010br-14.pdf)

The American Community Survey Data on Same Sex Couples, conducted by the U.S. Census Bureau, shows that of approximately 639,440 unmarried same-sex couples in 2012:

• 305,794 were male-male
• 333,646 were female-female

The Demographics of the Modern Gay Family

What does the modern gay couple look like when it comes to race? The same study listed above shows that 85% of unmarried same-sex couples are white, 6.5% are black and 2.5% are Asian. We are also dating interracially, with nearly 14.1% of us choosing a partner outside of our race.

And we are raising children! Approximately two million of them, if you want to put a number on it, and in 96% of U.S. counties. http://lgbtmap.org/lgbt-families. In numbers, 18.1% are being raised in unmarried same-sex households; 11.4% in male-male homes and 24.3% residing in female-female homes.

As the Bob Dylan song goes, the times, they are a ‘changing, but we still have a long way to go. Movements like getting states to identify same-sex marriages as legal and television shows depicting gay couples as regular, everyday families help break the barriers that have been in place for gay relationships for far too long.

At some point, though, wouldn’t it be great if we didn’t have to categorize a marriage or a family as being ‘straight’ or ‘gay’, and instead we could look at the love that exists within the unit?

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Gay Life after 40.com realizes that our most basic instinct is not for survival  but for family/belonging . If one cannot create a family of your own based on various reasons ( financial, etc. ) , we can still be part of the human family. We absolutely love and appreciate our GLBT  readers .

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