I Don’t Want to be the Crabby Old Man but……….

 By Jay Stewart

After 40, I thought that things would be a little different.  I have spent a lot of my life working hard towards accomplishing my goals.  I worked hard at my career and have landed a good job.  I put in the hours at the gym and have a body that I can be proud of.  I do the maintenance on my home to ensure that it’ll last for years.  I’ve marched in parades, signed petitions, and spoken out about both human and gay rights to leave a legacy.

I don’t want to be the crabby old man but it sometimes feels like the younger generations just get what they want without the struggle and/ or they fail to  recognize  what’s come before them.

What makes me crabby at times is this:

I don’t want to be the crabby old man but  AIDS is not a joke…it still needs to be taken seriously

I know there have been medical advances allowing men to live long after 40 with HIV.  Perhaps, it’s these successes that allow us to not fear it like we used to.  I don’t want to be the crabby old man but HIV/AIDS is no laughing matter to me.  When you’ve survived through the 80’s, lost many of your friends, and seen the suffering up close and personal, you learn to respectfully fear it.  A new U.K. study from the University of Westminster reveals that seven in every 10 gay men in London preferred to have sex without condoms. Additionally, four of every five gay men have previously engaged in condomless sex with someone they didn’t know. I find that appalling and irresponsible. Yes, people live long lives with it today, but when I hear people joking about getting AIDS or giving someone AIDS, it makes me upset.

I don’t want to be the crabby old man but Pride parades aren’t about fashion.

Stories of anti gay laws in Uganda and Russia should serve as reminders to all of us that the original Pride parades weren’t about fashion, big floats, and corporate promotion.  I don’t want to be the crabby old man but pride parades are about not being afraid, taking a stance, and recognizing that gay rights need to be fought for.  A pride parade is about bringing together a community to stand together towards any forms of hate towards us.  After 40, I want to see a throwback to the grass roots driven parades of the past.

I don’t want to be the crabby old man but Coming out wasn’t a daily national news story.

Sure, there’s always been gossip about your favorite celebrity (Liberace, Rock Hudson, Elton John) being gay; however, nowadays, it’s a daily story.  I don’t want to be the crabby old man but a celebrity comes out and he’s on the cover of a magazine.  A gay university athlete comes out and the blogosphere goes crazy.  Someone puts together a gay marriage proposal video and the whole things goes viral.  You know what the reward for coming out used to be – a visit to the local shady club, where you found a community of your own.  Not national media attention for simply being yourself. The media acts like its the first time they have seen a gay person for god’s sake. Being gay is just as normal as being straight. What makes it strange is all the media attention .  I am still waiting for the full court press to arrive at my door!

I don’t want to be the crabby old man but Gay rights came after years of fighting for them.

Along with coming out stories, there’s the focus on celebrating gay marriage being accepted throughout the world.  Again, I don’t want to be the crabby old man but where’s the celebrating of those of us who have spent decades fighting for these rights?  While the younger generations laud their politicians for the acceptance, there’s no celebrating the millions of person hours that went into these accomplishments.  We’ve been protesting, lobbying, and pressuring governments for years to make this happen.  It finally does and we get pictures of all the married couples.  Where’s the pictures of those who took on the government?  Those who toiled away, doing the letter writing campaigns, raising funds for the fight, and fearlessly fighting for equal rights.

I don’t want to be the crabby old man but  You’re more than just your looks and things.

Life’s not about tight bodies, the best gadgets, and partying every night.

After 40, you start to come to many conclusions about life.  I don’t want to sound like a crabby old man but there’s more to your looks, your stuff, and getting blackout drunk.  Yes, I admit to working out, but it’s to extend my life not to have a six pack of abs.  Take a look in the mirror and think about who you would be with just your smarts.  Beauty will fade, but your mind stays with you forever.  Would you still keep your friends if you chose not to go out dancing?  Instead, you opted to take in a night of discussing global gay rights and not the latest Housewives reality show.

For my final refrain, I don’t want to sound like a crabby old man but these days many younger gay generations seem to be thriving.  Honestly, I think that’s great.  But don’t forget that for many of us, it’s felt like we’re survivors.  All I ask for is that future generations remember that to lead their lives today that there were sacrifices made in the past.  I am proud to have made these sacrifices and wouldn’t change them at all.  They’ve made me the man that I am today and I am excited to look towards the future.  Where, I hope that the next group of activists ensure that the fight for equality moves forward, never backwards, and always towards a better life for all.

We, at Gay Life After 40,  wish  everyone to be free to be who they are and enjoy that freedom they have and be the best that they can be!  Keep on Aging Forward!

Please Join our tribe! What do you think? Does the  crabby old man that Jay writes about have good cause to be crabby or is he off his rocker? Please leave comments below. I look forward to your responses!